In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
