I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
