I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
