Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
