The maid of honor just puked.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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