My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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