I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
