she looked like the before picture.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
