I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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