I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
FUCK WHALES
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
