Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
