Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
