How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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