just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
