This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
