before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I did not marry a roomba.
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