There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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