i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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