Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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