Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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