i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
