My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
