You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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