Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
that's an acceptable place to lick
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
