hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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