i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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