The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
