nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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