You can't motorboat a personality
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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