He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
