he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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