in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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