her vagine was all disorganized.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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