That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
