do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
