Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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