Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
