The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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