new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
