Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He did a backflip because drugs
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
