My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
