Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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