I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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