the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
