he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
