This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
