he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
