I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
