Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
