What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
