Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh god it's open bar.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
