So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
