We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
