Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he fucked my hip out of place.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
