Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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