Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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