I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
