A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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