i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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