Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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