i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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