I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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