You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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