No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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