I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
