when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
