just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
