She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
BRING THE BAGELS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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