i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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