dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
