I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
