Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
