I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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