That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
smell my finger.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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