I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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