she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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