3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
