how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
